"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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