LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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