She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
high people should be assigned attendants
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
