let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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