I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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