I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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