Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize