i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
