Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
