I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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