Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
