She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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