I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize