The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
