I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
