They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize
