Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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