i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
