If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
