Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
