The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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