Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
