i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
