trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
