i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
