I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And then my night got REAL pukey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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