WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
