what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
