VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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