Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
