I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
