is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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