there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She told me I should be a condom model.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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