i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
