It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize