i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
