I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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