Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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