the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize