Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
