We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
