lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
