my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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