i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
