but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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