epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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