My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
