i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
