btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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