i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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