I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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