ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
