Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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