I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
