so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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