You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
