You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
