I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
