I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize