You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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