I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well you can't waste a boner
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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