im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cannot find my penis.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
