He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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