I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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