You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
