Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Someone signed my nipple.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
