That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
