"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im part way to drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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