Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize