dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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