this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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