My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
