Yo dont text me then not text me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize