she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
