Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize