I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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