He had one of those small greek statue penises
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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