first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
