Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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