I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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