You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
