you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
