I hope mine doesn't look like that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
