guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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